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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29995986">Cool Kids Only (feat. DJ Turntech)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/queensnarf/pseuds/queensnarf'>queensnarf</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>"Universe"-ity Series [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Bullying, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, Legal Drama, M/M, POV Multiple, POV Second Person, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Quadrant Confusion, Slow Burn, Trauma, Xenophobia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:09:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,391</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29995986</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/queensnarf/pseuds/queensnarf</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas moved to Earth for his own safety and wants nothing more than to graduate college in peace. The universe has other plans.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider, John Egbert/Terezi Pyrope, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Terezi Pyrope &amp; Vriska Serket</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>"Universe"-ity Series [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2256188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Seriously, Who TF Invented Facebook?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi everyone! This is my first time writing in the second person, so please go easy on me. I'll probably publish the first few chapters as a trial period and then update as I write. The fic has multiple perspectives that generally follows a stream of consciousness and it has three separate arcs to follow, so there will be some perspective switches as the chapters update. Thanks and enjoy!</p><p>UPDATE: I am actually going to split these arcs up into 3 separate fics so it doesn't take so long. They will all follow the same story though! Reading the other two fics will not be completely necessary but it may be fun to follow along if you are interested. I will be writing them one at a time though, starting with this one.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>POV Karkat</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John Egbert is having a party. John Egbert is having a party and you're invited.</p><p>Your name is Karkat Vantas and you are a little more than disconcerted by that thought. Not because you've just been invited to what is probably going to be the biggest off-campus party of the entire year, but because you loathe half the people that will be attending. </p><p>Why? Because you're everybody's favorite fucking target to pick on. The resident troll going to a human school. The shitty leader to the absolute peanut gallery of Alternian students that decided schoolhives just weren't miserable enough for their sorry asses. Trolls that attend human schools on Earth are few and far between, but the ones that do like to pretend they actually give any flying fucks about human culture and the planet they're on. You are the exception to this trend.</p><p>Why are you on Earth, then? Because, it was either this, or living in fear of a surprise drone disposal and getting culled for having worthless mutant blood on Alternia. About 12 sweeps ago, Earth announced it was granting citizenships and beginning a proper integration of trolls into its dominant species' society (something the heiress didn't appreciate, but couldn't really do anything about). You were fucking akin to taking this opportunity to save your carapace, so on your 6th wriggling day, you and your lusus applied for a permanent relocation. Granted, doing so on your home planet would've had you instantly culled, but it's not like you weren't already at risk of that anyway. </p><p>Your life on Earth hasn't been ideal since, but at least the planet you lived on <em> pretended </em> to care about the lives of others and didn't have drones patrolling every goddamn inch of the planet. Being on Earth <em> did </em> put a damper on your dreams of becoming a threshecutioner, but whatever you're not really bent out of shape over that part.</p><p>As for why you're at a human school? Well, it's not as if Earth didn't <em> try </em> to make schoolhives for trolls to keep up traditional schoolfeeding. The catch is that they're all just bland knockoffs of Alternian grown architecture that still somehow maintain a "no mutant" policy (albeit less violently). You guess some things never change no matter what planet you're on. Whatever, it's not like you could've been schoolfed on Alternia, anyway. You moved to Earth for your own safety, and you <em> know </em> you shouldn't complain, because anything is better than living through daily paranoia, sweep after sweep. </p><p>Even so, there are still <em> many </em> parts to living on Earth that frankly test the limits of your patience: adjusting to a diurnal schedule, the existence of slow wifi due to non-organic tech, the dependence on four wheeled vehicles to get literally anywhere and while you're at it traffic fucking sucks too, and whatever the fuck Facebook is supposed to accomplish, and god if you have to listen to one more fleshy non-chitinous shithead politician with their prongs up their wastechute relentlessly yammer on about how trolls are underserving of basic rights, you will quite literally explode. It's shit like this that makes you homesick.</p><p>Yet, even after processing and dealing with the spiralling tempestuous vortex of bitterness that comes from thinking about these grievances, it doesn't come close to the part about Earth you hate the most: every single human has the same blood color as you.</p><p>Your hangups aside, it makes you a beacon of attention as the "weird alien with the human blood," which is obviously so wrong of an accusation you get a little bit dumber everytime you hear it. It's nigh unavoidable, too. Somehow, everybody on campus has come to know of your mutation, and god do they do such a great job at kicking any hope of anonymity about it into the dust. There was even a rumor spread on campus that you're some freak spawn of a human and troll matespritship that got a little bit too creative. Just the thought of that makes your blood boil for so many reasons you'd be dead before you can even count all of them. Unfortunately, your prickly attitude towards all this nonsense has only made your situation worse and now all of China knows you're loud and angry.</p><p>Well, excuse you for being a little bit crabby around others, considering that when anybody ever tries to talk to you, it's never to ask about your interests or to actually get to know you. No, instead, every bulgefondling nookwipe pesters you with invasive questions about your mutant blood color cause apparently privacy is such a foreign fucking concept to them that you deserve to be treated like a zoo animal. Each day, the temptation to blowout your own thinkpan becomes such an appealing idea that you consider briefly moving back to Alternia to speed up the process. At least then, it'll be done by a professional.</p><p>The thing is, the only human you've met that's cared enough to even attempt the emotion of friendship with you (beyond an acquaintanceship, at least) is John. And maybe you're grateful for that. So, despite the awful taste in your mouth you get thinking about the rank smells of booze and sweaty frat boys and the blasted sounds of human pop music, you begrudgingly accept the invitation. Cause John is your friend and you hate yourself enough to put up with the bullshit.</p><p>You arrive at John's hive (house?) and spend at least twenty minutes trying to find parking, a task deemed virtually impossible by the amount of vehicles crowding the suburb. From the inside of your own vehicle, you hear loud, booming music escaping through the walls. You can already feel an ache creeping into your pan.</p><p>You exit the car and walk up his driveway, noting that the front door is wide open as an invitation for houseguests to come in freely. You briefly chide John under your breath for ignoring the possibility of strangers stealing his belongings and killing everyone. Maybe it's your troll instincts talking, but John is a little too trusting of others. Come to think of it, <em> every </em> human on Earth is a little too trusting of others. Ever since you started living here there's been a borderline pale solicitation everywhere you look. Humans are fucking weird.</p><p>
	<span class="john">JOHN: karkat! hey! you made it!</span><br/>
</p><p>John is at the door within seconds to greet you, and you begrudgingly sit through the affectionate bear hug he gifts you with. Realizing this hug will take longer than a second, you use your precious time to scan the indoors and really take it all in. Wow, a bunch of drunk college students and a DJ. Great, it is so much worse than you thought it would be. He frees you from his iron grip shackles and beckons you to come in.</p><p>The inside of his house (Hive? What the fuck do you call it?) is about what you expected. The remnants of a once tidy, middle-class home now trashed by the millions of dudebros inhabiting it's living space, all of which are probably named Chad and Kyle. Fuck it, why not. You wonder if John actually invited every greek life house on campus intentionally, or if they just showed up like some infectious disease when word of a house-party reared its ugly head. Okay, maybe you're exaggerating and playing into cinematic stereotypes a little, but the beer keg and rage cage setup is at least an indication that you're not <em> that </em> far off.</p><p>You continue sweeping your gander bulbs across each room in observation, when something you <em> didn't </em> expect, or <em> someone </em>, catches your attention at the DJ's station. Realization dawns on you that you know exactly who it is, and you just about hightail right the fuck out and swear off ever returning.</p><p>Okay, with the way things were going, you admit it wasn't <em> unlikely </em> for Dave Strider to show up. But, for him to be a DJ for the entire event? Somehow that is the last thing you expected and yet it also makes way too much sense. Him being in the spotlight on mic for everybody to listen to his aggravating southern drawl may as well be par for the fucking course.</p><p>Actually, that doesn't even do him justice. Where do you even begin to describe the absolute dumpster fire that is Dave? Trying to put Dave Strider into words is like trying to put a square shaped block into a circle shaped hole. Or thread a needle on a hoofbeast. Basically, it's impossible and you should probably stop trying. Though, if you had to describe him in just one word, he's INSUFFERABLE<em> . </em></p><p>Strider finds new ways to get on your nerves that you didn't even know was possible and you are convinced he was put on this Earth to torment you. The beginning of your descent into slam-poetry riddled purgatory with him was around the time you switched majors. You're not even sure why you bothered attempting to major in Computer Science (god knows Sollux was already a pain to deal with), but every fiber of your being wishes you had reconsidered switching to Literature before you dealt with all the pan-numbingly tedious forms and meetings with your advisor. Because of course, the universe repaid you for all your suffering by giving you the luxury of dealing with Dave. Or rather, the misery of realizing he's also majoring in the "arts."</p><p>You don't know what his deal is, or what degree he's actually pursuing, assuming he takes his college life seriously. All you know is that as soon as you switched majors, you shared a lot more classes with him. From that point onward, he's made you dread every start of a new semester like a game of shitty roulette. You can never tell if he'll show up to one of your lectures like some weird cryptid in a tacky pair of shades. God, the shades annoy you so much it's not even funny.</p><p>Maybe the aviators were a bad omen, because as soon as you started recognizing him in your classes, you also started recognizing the bunch of xenophobes he talked to on the regular.</p><p>Right. Of course. As if wearing shades indoors wasn't evidence enough of his contemptible douchebaggery, he just had to go and get chummy with the same crowd of globe-fondlers that think picking on trolls and being overall xenophobic pieces of shits is the greatest entertainment since Thresh Prince aired on CBC (Condescensional Broadcasting Company). Not that the students here pay any attention in their mandatory Alternian/Earth history classes, but is it really so hard to be culturally sensitive and respectful? You see him with that shitty group of people far more often than you would care to admit and the worst part is, you're not even sure Dave is xenophobic.</p><p>Sure, he's obnoxious, but it's not like he's actively discriminated against any trolls on campus. It's throwing you for a loop. He's clearly putting on an act because he seemingly has no problem talking to trolls and then befriending the absolute bottom of the barrel dregs of society that currently walk this planet. It's as if he has some image of cruel irony to keep up. What pisses you off the most is that Strider can't even be bothered to join his posse of fuckboys when they serve you harassment on a silver fucking nutrition plateau. </p><p>...Okay, maybe you can give him the benefit of the doubt for that one. Even <em> you </em> wouldn't want to bother with yourself. It just pisses you off that he's too much of a coward to even face you. He probably just sits around, laughing at you behind your back. </p><p>God, he probably doesn't even know you exist, actually. You're sure he's heard the rumors of the mutant troll on campus, but as far as you know, he doesn't even know your name. </p><p>Ironically, you can't seem to <em> not </em>notice him. He's hard to ignore when he just rambles about incomprehensible garbage nonstop in his pointless human accent all day. It's like he was hatched (or, born actually) to do everything that pisses you off. </p><p>For instance, this motherfucker loves talking. A lot. You don't think you've ever seen someone love the sound of their voice as much as he does. You're serious. Must be such a burden holding the dumbest world record to ever exist in paradox space. </p><p>You still recall your first time meeting Strider to this day because, one, he's not an easy person to forget, and two, he said to you what is probably the stupidest thing you think you've ever heard in your poor, miserable life (and that's saying something considering you tried a moirallegiance with Gamzee Makara). </p><p>Your encounter had started with you minding your business in class when some dipshit in a moronic pair of sunglasses sauntered over and sat down in the seat in front of you. In practically a millisecond he began loudly talking to his neighbors, apparently desperate for the attention of every single goddamn person in the class at all given times. Eventually, your professor started asking students to settle down and you thought maybe you were free from Shades McFuckhead's incessant mouth noises (you don't know why you would ever assume otherwise). But, no. He must've been determined to prove to you that he was the type to never shut up cause he continued muttering to himself well into the first five minutes of lecture. After the fifth minute was up and you had had it up to your fucking sponge, you leaned over and tapped him forcefully on the shoulder, telling him to shut his fucking chute. He jumped as if this was somehow something that had never happened to him before. </p><p>That was a mistake though, because he turned and quickly grabbed your arm before you could pull it away and began drawing on it with a sparkly red gel pen. Without looking up at you, he grinned.</p><p>
	<span class="dave">DAVE: hey im dave</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: did you know rats spelled backwards is star</span><br/>
</p><p>You were so stunned in shock at how many pancells you had lost from that sentence alone that when he turned away, you had forgotten he had violated your hand. You only remembered later that day when Terezi had asked you why your hand smelled like cherry soda. Recalling the incident, you held up your arm to investigate what it was.</p><p>It was a human dick, naturally. You immediately ran to the nearest ablution chamber and scrubbed it off in unrestrained embarrassment and fury. </p><p>The next week in class, he sat with the same group of xenophobic shits that pester you all the time, so you couldn't even approach him to ask what the fuck his "fun" gel pen drawing was all about. After that, the height of your encounters consisted of him repeatedly asking to borrow pencils from you and the occasional class-related conversation. Of course, the complete idiot would rap about it afterwards, just to add insult to injury. He never brought up the dick gel pen encounter again, thank fucking god for that. Sometimes you wonder if he actually remembers doing it or if he was possessed by the Ghost of Dicksmas Present in the moment. </p><p>Penis ouija aside, to say that you hate his guts is the biggest understatement of the sweep.</p><p>…Not that you'd ever admit that out loud. </p><p>Okay, so maybe he <em> does </em> compel you to grow and be better like a rival and maybe you <em> can </em> sit and spend the day thinking about all the parts about him that drive you crazy until he's the only person on your mind and maybe you <em> do </em> have some caliginous feelings...but that doesn't mean jack to a human. <em> Quadrants </em> don't mean jack to a human. And even if they did, things would be far too complicated for you to even attempt a romance, much less attempt something contentious. Cause just when you think you can see the formation of a healthy rivalry between you and him with a little bit of pitch banter, your feelings start to blur and things get…complicated.</p><p>Oh who are you kidding, you've got feelings for him in more than one quadrant. A lot of feelings all over the place everywhere, in fact. So many, you just have no idea.</p><p>In the very short, in-person encounters you've had with him, in spite of how much you despise his very existence, he's miraculously managed to be endearing to you. God, you would rather go permanently deaf than listen to more of his improv slam poetry on the economy or whatever, but you still find yourself smirking ever so slightly at the jokes he cracks in class or the way he doesn't have a filter on his words when speaking up in seminars. </p><p>You're embarrassingly fond of the smaller, finer details of Strider: aspects of him that are normally masked by his overbearing personality, but are visible enough if you pay attention. You're dumb enough to be charmed by his borrowed confidence when he's around others, how he pretends to be a bad artist even when you've seen him scrawling pictures of black squakbeasts on the margins of his notes, or how he uses his hands as a secondary means of communication when articulating something. You find that even when he asks you simple stuff like if he could borrow a pencil, your blood pusher pounds excitedly as he grins like an idiot and awkwardly explains how forgetful he can be. To that you say, "whatever it's just a pencil it's not like I'm giving you an auspicious rare artifact from Alternia." </p><p>You linger on your encounters with him, short as they may be, and you're not sure whether to feel disgusted with yourself or just downright confused in more ways than one. Mainly because you can actually almost tolerate him, and if that isn't the most fucked up joke to whatever circumstance that has kept you alive this long, then you don't know what is. It's not that you're not familiar with a typical pitch to flush quadrant vacillation, it's just that you cannot fucking believe that you would even entertain the idea of pitying all of his self-congratulatory bullshit and possible xenophobia in the first place. Much less, entertain the idea of romancing a human. It doesn't help that he's ridiculously attractive, even if he does wear that dumb set of shades on his annoyingly pretty face.</p><p>Sometimes, you just want to violently rip those shades off and kiss him to shut him up, but even that's not enough for you. You like hearing him talk, so much that when he's not talking it's somehow just as upsetting to you as when he's jabbering your auricular sponge clots off. Hell, seeing him absent from class makes you miss him and his stupid voice. On days like that, even knowing how bad of an idea it is, you have such an intense desire to ditch lecture and seek him out just to see if he's okay. To be there for him if he needs you. Which, as you're already aware, is so unbelievably dumb of an idea and what the fuck would that even accomplish he barely <em> knows </em> you!</p><p>It's pathetic! You get this fulfilled feeling whenever you so much as talk to him, only for you to get pissed at him for sexualizing muppets for virtually no apparent reason other than to be a moron. It's like you want to bring him up just so you can put him down, but then you want to comfort him after because you can't just have your grub, you have to cull it too. Part of you wishes "future you" would just start a memo to talk some sense into you and tell you to put an end to whatever the fuck it is you think you're feeling. Then you remember that "future you" sucks and would only try to further complicate things by auspisticizing. You're not about to take that risk.</p><p>How else can you explain it? He gives you feelings in every quadrant like it's fucking Perigee's Eve and that scares the shit out of you. You're vacillating so fast that the quadrant boundaries are blurring and you feel like you're getting whiplash from it, and yet, you can't seem to hit the brakes cause it's making you feel more alive than ever. </p><p>You just can't understand why. The desperate prospect of a relationship that fills every quadrant and transcends hate or pity is somehow thrilling to you. On Alternia, you might've been culled for that thought alone, but now? </p><p>You shamefully feel parts of your body heating up. You're starting to think you should stop fantasizing about completely unrealistic romances in public, especially ones involving a human. Things are going a little too fast for your own good and you've already forgotten what you were doing.</p><p>Shit. What <em> were </em> you doing before you spaced the fuck out to the furthest ring? </p><p>
	<span class="john">JOHN: hello? egbert to karkat, do you read me?</span><br/>
</p><p>Oh, right. You're at John Egbert's party, and your lousy stupid goddamn multiquadrant human crush, Dave Strider, is there.</p><p>Great.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Interspecies Romantic Endeavors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was too lazy to proofread this chapter so I might edit it over time. Chapter 3 will be up soon and then I will be updating as I write from there.</p><p>POV Karkat</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You snap out of it, stopping your train of thought before it does any more of an acrobatic pirouette way off the handle. You start to realize that John has asked you a question and you've just been standing in the hallway entrance of his house, spacing out like a wriggler for almost two minutes now.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK. SORRY, I DIDN'T CATCH THAT.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="john">JOHN: hey, it's okay! i get that it's sorta overwhelming here if you need to adjust.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: but uh, you were mumbling to yourself there. you good?</span>
</p><p>You blush a bright red. That's right, you just arrived and spotted Dave up on stage being an infuriating fucking showoff. That was until your train of thought decided to hydroplane off a cliff then fall down several flights of metaphorical stairs in the process. Nobody warned you of this. </p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT'S NOTHING. I JUST DIDN'T KNOW DAVE WAS A DJ. DID HE SERIOUSLY DRAG ALL THIS EQUIPMENT TO YOUR HOUSE?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="john">JOHN: oh yeah! pretty cool, huh? started up around the time he enrolled. calls himself turntech godhead. i tried telling him it was really lame at the time, but i guess he proved me wrong when he got super popular for it!</span>
</p><p>John laughs out loud and you find yourself zoning out again, staring at Dave at his station under the flashing lights. John continues, even though you're only half listening.</p><p>
  <span class="john">JOHN: he's actually my roommate. makes a lot of money off gigs so he can pay rent to stay at my place. he doesn't talk too much about his upbringing, but from what he's told me, he lived in a pretty shitty household a few years back. it's probably for the best he's here, even if he's not super great at doing the laundry. at least he tries.</span>
</p><p>As soon as your thinkpan processes what John just insinuated, you jump in surprise. Is he serious? Your first human friend and he <em> lives </em> with Strider?</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: WAIT, YOU SHARE A HIVE?</span>
</p><p>John's eyes widen at this question and he laughs awkwardly.</p><p>
  <span class="john">JOHN: oh, well yeah, but it's not like that. we're just roommates. we've been friends since we were 13, though! or, 6 sweeps, i think? anyway, why do you ask? you friends with him too?</span>
</p><p>You roll your eyes and look back at Dave again with furrowed brows. Like hell you're gonna mention anything about your selfish crush to John.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: NOT PARTICULARLY. WE SHARE A CLASS AND HE'S HARD TO FORGET.</span>
</p><p>Dave is on a portable stage, with crowds of drunk college students dancing and mingling about on a makeshift dance floor in the center of the house. He looks like a professional with how focused he is, not letting anything distract him from keeping time and rhythm. There's a slight upward curl of his mouth, indicating he's having the time of his life too, with one hand on a turntable record and another on his soundboard. He looks like a stereotypical DJ you've seen in some human romcoms, with a so called "old school" looking setup, and he's bobbing his head slightly to the beat of the blasting music. He's still got his signature shades on as well as a pair of headphones. He almost looks cool to you, in some weird, fucked up sort of way.</p><p>
  <span class="john">JOHN: haha, he really is unforgettable! you should say hi to him, i'm sure he'd love to get to know you.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: that's probably enough about dave's dumb gay butt, though. he doesn't like it when i tell people secrets about him.</span>
</p><p>There's a vinyl rewind on Strider's turntables and your face contorts. What did he just say? Before you can even comment on whatever just came out of John's statement tunnel, he continues.</p><p>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i just wanted to ask about your, er… company, there. i didn't know you were bringing another troll with you. had i known i would've stocked up on more troll snacks!</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: does she want anything to drink before i go bust a move?</span>
</p><p>You turn your attention to your aforementioned friend, and the music behind you picks up. You're suddenly reminded of just how loud and obnoxious it is in the house, and you raise your voice a decibel higher than normal.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH, RIGHT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: KANAYA, CAN YOU DECIDE FOR YOURSELF WHAT YOU WANT TO DRINK OR ARE YOU TOO DISTRACTED BY THE ONSLAUGHT AND CONTINUOUS BARRAGE OF SOUND TO HEAR YOURSELF THINK?</span>
</p><p>Yes, you brought Kanaya with you. Yes, you also neglected to mention that to John. It's not like you're in the habit of potentially overstepping your boundaries, you just really didn't want to be the only troll here, alone in your shame in going to a human frat party. Or at least, the closest thing to a human frat party that you'll ever attend. Whatever, it's not like John would mind the extra company. John gets along with just about anyone as long as said person has a tolerance for shitty movies. He's kind of hard not to be friends with and it's really no wonder why he's so popular. </p><p>Besides, the place is already packed anyway, what's one more person to this festering shithive? Honestly, you should've just invited every troll you know while you were at it, you doubt anybody would've noticed.</p><p>Though, now that you know that Dave is here, you're realizing bringing Kanaya was probably a mistake. You've complained to Kanaya about Strider in the past, but you haven't mentioned any "feelings" yet, much less the copious amount of vacillation you're experiencing. You try not to think about the possibility of her catching on and teasing you about your human crush with all of her self-righteous but unfairly sensible hoofbeastshit. God, past you just never thinks these things through.</p><p>Kanaya turns to John and flashes an elegant smile.</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Dont Suppose You Keep Vials Of Troll Blood On Hand Do You</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="john">JOHN: oh, um, i can check the garage if you want?</span>
</p><p>John shuffles nervously, not wanting to be disrespectful to the apparent rainbow drinker before him, but also very obviously weirded out by the thought of someone drinking blood in front of him. You groan and shoot her a look. Kanaya simply giggles.</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: You Can Relax</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Am Only Attempting At Gallows Humor And Pulling Your Leg</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Will Be Fine Without A Beverage Soporific Or Otherwise</span>
</p><p>John lets out a sigh of relief and you notice the tension in his shoulders loosen a bit. Jesus, could he be any more obvious? You bite back the urge to tease him about it.</p><p>
  <span class="john">JOHN: alrighty then, make yourselves at home. just try not to break anything if you can help it.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: if you feel like you want to blow off some steam, you can "accidentally" destroy one of my dad's jester figurines in the garage, hehehe.</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: i'll be making my rounds so feel free to chat me up if you see me coming through.</span>
</p><p>With that, John turns and runs into a crowd of people by the stage, his arms in the air and shouting excitedly like the loveable dork that he is. You find that you're not really sure what to do with yourself now that he's gone, so you look at Kanaya, who has already cast her gaze like a dowsing rod towards the sea of dancing, drunken wrigglers. She's eyeing a platinum blonde human girl leaning against the wall. You think you've seen her before in one of your classes but you can't be sure. </p><p>Kanaya notices you looking at her and grins amusedly. You know that look all too well. Bold of you to assume Kanaya was any better when it comes to human attraction. Now if she teases you it'd just be hypocritical. </p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: You Need Not Worry About Me Karkat</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: To Put It In Human Terms I Believe I Have Found My Tall Glass Of Water For The Night</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: IF I DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW RAINBOW DRINKERS CAN'T DRINK HUMAN BLOOD, I'D SAY THAT IS ONE OF THE TOP THREE CREEPIEST THINGS YOU'VE EVER SAID TO ME.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: TRY NOT TO SCARE THE WRIGGLERS AT THIS SHITFEST HIVE-GATHERING WITH THAT MORBID EXCUSE FOR HUMOR. YOU SOUND LIKE ARADIA.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OR, ACTUALLY, DO THAT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE IT'D BE FUN TO WATCH.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Am Gathering That Was A Bit Too Untoward Then</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: Would You Rather I Say She Is Unfairly And Ridiculously Hot</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: I WOULD RATHER YOU LEAVE ME OUT OF YOUR COMPLICATED HUMAN CONCUPISCENT ENDEAVORS. FOREVER, IN FACT.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Will Take Care To Retell Everything To You In Excruciating Detail When It Is All Over</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: THANKS FOR THAT, KANAYA. I'M SO GLAD WE'RE FRIENDS.</span>
</p><p>She begins an elegant strut towards the pretty wallflower. You're not so dense that you can't take a hint and piss off for the night, but you really don't want to be alone either. That being said, you'd prefer not to pathetically look for John like you lost your lusus in a shopping block, and entertaining the idea of interacting with Dave is out of the fucking question. Besides, John's got responsibilities as the host (you think, you actually don't know how human parties work) and Dave's busy undeservedly being the center of attention as usual. So, you follow her anyway, falling back into her shadow a bit so that you don't draw any attention to yourself.</p><p>Even with the music full blast, you can still overhear people talking about you and Kanaya as you navigate the house, asking "who invited trolls?" and "isn't that the mutant and the vampire?' Apparently, nobody knows how to stay in their fucking lane when it comes to making xenophobic comments. It takes every ounce of your self control not to fall into another one of your classic tirades, but for the sake of not making a scene at John's party, you hold back and keep it to yourself. Whatever, you'll just rant to Kanaya about it later.</p><p>Speaking of Kanaya, shadowing her is becoming increasingly difficult, due to the fact that everyone keeps bumping into you from their present lack of motor skills. So instead of standing behind her awkwardly like stagnant water, you decide to slouch against the wall a few feet away and become a wallflower yourself. You find yourself subconsciously staring at Strider again in the meantime (because of course you do) when you overhear the girls shamelessly flirting with each other as they introduce themselves. </p><p>You turn towards Kanaya and watch from a distance, finally managing to pry your eyes from the stage. The platinum blonde calls herself Rose Lalonde. Oh, right. She's in your creative writing class. You recall her being friendly enough to chat with and you wonder why you don't talk with her as often.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: My apologies of the utmost degree for coming off as culturally inept, but I don't believe I was informed that the most gorgeous troll to walk this planet was attending this gathering. To what do I owe the pleasure and the honor?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: How Appropriate</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Was Reminded Of Human Poeticism In Which A Rose Grows From Concrete</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: Or So Says Tupac Shakur</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: This Was Not An Alternian Phenomenon But Id Be Happy To Tell You More About It</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: You're cute. I am quite interested in this diatribe of yours. However, this is a private matter shared between two intellectual philosophers, so I believe we ought to take this away from the eyes of the public masses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: Well I Am Hardly One To Condone Such Blatant Flattery But With An Offer Like That How Can I Refuse</span>
</p><p>Wow, that <em> worked </em> ? That was so quick of a pickup that you're almost impressed. Key word here is <em> almost. </em> You <em> would </em> be impressed if it hadn't been your friend and classmate who just fumbled through the corniest and probably the most verbose romantic solicitations you've ever witnessed in your life. So you're mostly just grossed out and a little embarrassed. For their sake, you do your best to contain the inevitable groan of secondhand embarrassment that was bound to follow as they take off for the night, most likely to entertain some troll-human sloppy makeouts and possibly get their interspecies mack on. </p><p>Well, so much for not being the only troll here. If they're leaving, you'd rather not stay here any longer either (even if you did just get here), so you ready yourself to head home and get as far away from Rose and Kanaya as possible while you're at it. You search the crowd for John to tell him you and your friend are leaving this hellhole with a hostage when Rose suddenly slips and stumbles. Before she can hit the ground, Kanaya catches her and begins glowing softly. You hang back instead and continue watching the scene unfold.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I think, perhaps, I'm dreaming, because you're absolutely radiant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: Are You Perhaps Inebriated As Well</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">Rose: Perhaps, more than I thought I was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: Then Perhaps We Should Take A Rain Check But I Would Be Delighted To Keep You Company For The Night</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">Rose: I would, perhaps, like that very much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY GOD, IF I HAVE TO HEAR THE WORD "PERHAPS" **ONE MORE TIME** I'M GOING TO BLEED VOMIT OUT OF EVERY ORIFICE OF MY FACE AND THEN DIE.</span>
</p><p>Kanaya smiles as Rose spots you and laughs. You approach the two of them with a look many would describe as cantankerous and annoyed.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">Rose: Saw all that, did you?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: LALONDE, YOU'RE A FUCKING SADIST. I'M TELLING JOHN HE INVITED A SOCIOPATH TO THIS PARTY.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Nice to see you outside of school too, Karkat. I take it you and Kanaya have met?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: We Are Well Acquainted</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Believe Now Would Be The Most Appropriate Time To Refer To This World As A Small One</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: As Many Humans Seem Insistent On Doing During Such Coincidences</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: You'd think we'd learn to say literally anything else in moments like these, but it would seem nothing is quite as compelling as saying our planet is a little less big than it actually is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: It Definitely Seems That Way Yes</span>
</p><p>You roll your gander bulbs.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I will be honest with you, Karkat, I was not expecting to see you here. I did not know you and John were acquainted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHO ISN'T AT THIS POINT?</span>
</p><p>She smirks in retaliation.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Touché. John <em>is</em> a classically trained professional at being friends with people. I've yet to meet a person he hasn't gotten along with. He'd probably disagree with me, though.</span>
</p><p>Rose breaks eye contact and pauses briefly to look at something behind you. Whatever it is, it's important enough to keep her eyes trained on it for a solid minute. She continues to chat with you, still avoiding eye contact in favor of staring at something.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: While we're on the topic, looking to meet anybody new now that you're here?</span>
</p><p>She gives a smug smile and taps her nose with her forefinger, then finally looks back at you. You can only assume she's attempting to communicate across the room with John in some weird, fucked up human morse code to get him to spill "secrets" about your friendship to her. Actually, bold of you to even presume you know what the fuck is going on in Lalonde's head, but regardless of what she's planning, you don't like it.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OKAY, SO DON'T ACT LIKE I DIDN'T JUST NOTICE YOU TRYING TO GET JOHN OVER HERE TO NOSILY PRY FOR INFORMATION ABOUT HOW WE MET.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: TOO BAD FOR YOU, HE'S BEEN SWORN TO SECRECY BY ME.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: GOOD TRY, THOUGH. YOU GET A GOLD STAR.</span>
</p><p>Kanaya begins to snicker and Rose quirks an eyebrow at you. You try not to scowl at how condescending it is.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: You misunderstand, I wasn't trying to signal John over here. He's quite lovable, but he's not so perceptive to the subtle language of social cues.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">Rose: Although, now you've given me an incentive to pry about you two. You wouldn't happen to know the story behind their meeting, would you, Kanaya?</span>
</p><p>Kanaya doesn't answer, but she also doesn't deny the fact that she is the only other person with the knowledge of your blisteringly embarrassing first encounter with John. She giggles at Rose, attempting to keep a straight face, and you jump to change the subject before anybody's sniffnodes can catch a whiff of the steaming pile of trunkbeast shit that is that story.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: CAN WE MAYBE TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE? LIKE WHY YOU WERE TRYING TO GET SOME RANDOM DOUCHEBAGS ATTENTION?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: My, you're awfully quick to change the subject at the drop of a hat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: JUST FUCKING HUMOR ME, PLEASE? I WILL ACTUALLY BEG IF I HAVE TO AND I DOUBT ANYBODY HERE WANTS TO SEE THAT PLAINTIVE DISPLAY OF CHUTE HUFFING.</span>
</p><p>Kanaya laughs even harder and her smile shows off her fangs. She's glowing brighter than she was before, jade colored tears dotting the corners of her eyes. </p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: HA HA, LAUGH IT UP MARYAM. I'M GLAD TO KNOW MY COMPLETE TRAINWRECK OF A LOVE LIFE IS SUCH GREAT ENTERTAINMENT FOR YOU.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I see, so this is about romantic inclinations. Seems like quite the story.</span>
</p><p>Fuck, you can't believe you let that slip. You glare at Kanaya even though this situation is entirely your own fault.</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: Forgive Me Karkat As You Know I Would Never Tell A Soul And Betray Your Trust</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: But Since I Am The Only One To Whom You Have Confided That Story Too</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: At Your Expense I Simply Must Laugh About It For All I Can As It Is Objectively Hilarious</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT? SURE. FINE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IN THE TIME IT TAKES FOR YOU TO STOP DERIVING PLEASURE FROM MY HUMILIATION, MAYBE ROSE WILL CONSIDER STAYING IN HER LANE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OR BETTER YET, ROSE, ANSWER ME THIS: IF NOT JOHN, THEN WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO MERCILESSLY WORM IN THIS CONVERSATION?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Well, since you asked so nicely, I was hoping to get the attention of our friendly neighborhood DJ. I think you two would get along well. He is working, though, so his contributions will have to come later in the evening.</span>
</p><p>Fuck off, Lalonde, dont involve <em> HIM </em> in this!!</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE? WHY DAVE??</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IS IT BECAUSE HE'S PART OF JOHN'S FANCY, SIX SWEEP, VIP FRIEND CULT?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DON'T FUCKING TELL ME YOU'RE CLOSE WITH HIM TOO.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Well, he <em>is</em> a Strilonde, so I should hope so. I don't think it takes a sleuth to follow that line of deductive reasoning.</span>
</p><p>Oh my god, you remember why you don't talk to Rose more often again. She acts like she's the smartest person in the room and then pretends people can understand what she's talking about, even when she knows you don't know jack shit about fuck all. The worst part is, she usually <em> is </em> the smartest person in the room. God, you hate how perfect she is for Kanaya. </p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH, SURE. THAT CLEARS THAT UP. I SUDDENLY UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING SINCE I OBVIOUSLY KNOW WHAT A "STRILONDE" IS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FEEL FREE TO *NOT* ELABORATE SINCE THAT COMPLETELY MADE UP WORD MAKES EVERY BIT OF SENSE TO ME WITHOUT CONTEXT AS ANY OTHER.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: CLEARLY, I AM THE PINNACLE OF WISDOM AND MY THINKPAN IS A FUCKING DICTIONARY.</span>
</p><p>Rose outright laughs.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: No need to throw a tantrum. I will shed some light on the subject, much like this beautiful temptress here is doing.</span>
</p><p>She gestures to Kanaya who, at this point, is shining brighter than the colored strobe lights in the house. She blushes green at the compliment. This time, your oculars roll so far back into your cranial chamber that you temporarily go blind.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: It's a portmanteau. Assuming you're familiar with our namesakes, the Striders and Lalondes are inexplicably linked by blood, though we live in separate households. I will spare you our family drama, though. I've overshared enough as it is, much like my twin brother does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON'T...EXCUSE ME?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Forgive me, my relation to Dave is common knowledge by anyone that's met us, so I assumed you knew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: KANAYA, DID YOU KNOW OF THIS?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Have Heard Of The Strilondes On Campus</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: So Yes</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Assumed That Was Who We Were Talking To When She Introduced Herself As Lalonde</span>
</p><p>Jesus christ, does <em> everybody </em> at this shitshow have a connection to Dave? Since when have Rose Lalonde and Dave Strider been siblings? You can hardly even wrap the concept of twins around your pan alone, much less the fact that you're well-acquainted with and talking to your multiquadrant human crush's sister. Especially since she is actively trying to introduce her brother to you. The universe continues to pull sadistic, globe-shattering prankster gambits on you to this very day. Your stunned silence urges Rose to continue explaining herself.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I would think John would have mentioned it at least once.</span>
</p><p>While <em> it is </em> true you're just now finding out Rose and Dave are related in the confines of John's sweaty rumpus booze factory for clowns, there is pretty much zero probability that John would ever attempt explaining the concept of "siblings" to a troll. At this point, pretty much everybody knows that that is a can of worms that should not be opened. Even the most basic familial relation between two humans is a premise most trolls struggle to wrap their pan around. Normally, you would say something of that capacity to her, but you're not about to deal with the slightly-intoxicated, fourth-year psych student bullshit questioning about the "incest taboo" that would inevitably precede that mentioning. </p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: FULL OFFENSE, BUT WHY AM I JUST NOW FINDING OUT ABOUT THIS? AND WHY WOULD JOHN FEEL THE NEED TO BRING UP YOU OR STRIDER TO ME IN ANY CONVERSATION EVER?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I think you'd be surprised.</span>
</p><p>What is that supposed to mean?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Nobody Actually Read Shakespeare Let's Be Real Here We All Used Sparknotes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter 3 is up and Chapter 4 is in the works! Hope it's not too short. Apologies if my update schedule is inconsistent but I will be sure to upload at least each month or sooner. Hope you enjoy!</p><p>POV Karkat</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She looks up at so-called DJ Strilonde and winks this time. You can't see if he winks back with his shades on but before you know it, he's taking his headphones off and messing with the soundboard. The previous song fades out and Fergalicious begins to blast at full volume on the speakers. It just so happens that this is one of the few human songs you would never in a million sweeps admit to liking. The crowd goes wild in excitement and starts singing and dancing along. Your jaw actually drops.</p><p>He's doing this on purpose. He has to be.</p><p>Just when you think he's done fucking with you, he descends from the stage down a set of steps and starts heading your way. Fuck no, this can't be happening. Rose grins wickedly, as if she somehow <em> knows </em> her twin brother gets under your skin in the most pathetically romantic way possible. She fakes a gasp, presumably to rub it in. You bite back the urge to talk to him in case you open your mouth and say some shit you'll regret which is usually all the time.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Speak of the devil. What brings you here so early in the night, dear brother of mine? I was not expecting you so soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: youre the one who signalled me down here like batman with whatever this is</span>
</p><p>He theatrically gesticulates a nose tap and a wink, purposely making himself look as stupid as possible. Rose tactlessly shrugs in retaliation.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Yes, I'm aware I gestured at you, but I'm afraid you misread my signal as "stop the job you're being paid to do to come slack off." It was really more of a "come by when you've got some free time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: right excuse me for misinterpreting your bullshit when everybody and their grandma is eyeing me like a hawk watches their prey</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like in some national geographic documentary that airs only on weekdays when youre supposed to be at school</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: youre down with swine flu or something</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: (jegus remember that?)</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and even though you have snot coming out of every hole in your face you celebrate cause you get to watch the forbidden tv shows</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and then its like damn youre not missing much so you just go back to doing sicknasty kickflips while playing tony hawk cause that is just infinitely better</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Your point?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: my point is that the pressure is on rose</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: pretty much half the guest list is watching me up there and that makes it twice as hard to focus on anything other than keeping up appearances</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: youre lucky i even spotted you at all</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: please excuse me for missing a subtle cue in which your tapped your nose a millimeter to the left instead of the right which obviously somehow changes the entire context and meaning</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh be careful not to tap the other side or else people will think youre about to fart</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wouldnt want to confuse anyone</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: You say that as if there was an actual code or meaning to my signalling other than an attempt to get your attention. I only wanted to introduce you to someone, but assumed you would be too busy to answer to my whims immediately, as you've so clearly established. And yet, here you are.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Why the rush to leave your spotlight purely to humor my antics? Forgive my astonishment, but it is quite uncharacteristic of you to grow tired of the eyes of the masses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: you say that as if it were even possible</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: how could i grow tired of it when everybody is attracted to my charms like a magnet</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i cant help it the cool radiates off me like a radiator in winter</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: all these little orphan children all bundled up in their winter jammies and kerchiefs or whatever just huddle around to get a whiff of my sweet jams</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: please mister can you spare me just an ounce of your sick beats</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: it happens so often i had no choice but to learn to love it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its a burden i know but i suffer for them</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: for the children</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you wouldn't want me disappointing the children would you rose</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Why, of course not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: there see</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: let it be known that i cared about the children when nobody else would</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dave strider</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the guy who cares about orphans</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I see. And here I thought you were DJ Turntech.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: nah thats just my day job</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: it aint where my true passions lie</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: one day i will make like ophelia and get myself to a nunnery so that i may finally spread the true word of the godhead to the youth masses</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: boom literary reference secured</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: not that i dont actually love my job that last part was a ruse</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: A distaction?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yes that too</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: anyway im well aware im down here doing sweet fa but even the patron saint of bops needs breaks</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so as much as i know how you miss my bangers for now i will use this time to charitably lend the throne to fergie and co</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: it is my duty to serve them they are the true gods of music</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: How noble. A true Knight of Music in his field.</span>
</p><p>Godammit, Rose, will you cut that shit out? You've been trying to hold back from contributing to this altercation, but enough is enough. This is getting out of control, primarily because Rose keeps goading him on like a sadistic scientist observing a squeakbeast in an infinitesimally complicated maze. Jesus, even when she's inebriated she psychoanalyzes. You decide to take the lead and enforce the riot act, partly to prevent things from getting out of hand, but mostly because you have a good comeback lined up and you refuse to waste it.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH PLEASE, MORE LIKE THE KNIGHT OF WASTING TIME. DAVE, DO YOU EVER STOP TALKING OR AM I A FUCKING MORON FOR ASSUMING THAT ISN'T PART OF THE PACKAGE?</span>
</p><p>Dave jumps, his face lighting up. Rose takes note of his reaction, seeming pleased with herself.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: oh shit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hey karkat i didnt know you were here</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: glad you made it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: not that i was like expecting you to come but like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: uh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thanks i guess</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: for coming</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: even tho this isnt even my party</span>
</p><p>You pinch the part of your nose right between your gander bulbs. How on Earth did you manage to fall for this fuckhead again? You smile in spite of yourself. You'd never admit it, but you're legitimately thrilled he knows your name. </p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHATEVER, YOU'RE WELCOME FOR GRACING YOU WITH MY UGLY FUCKING PERSONALITY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BY THE WAY, I HOPE YOU KNOW YOU CALLED YOURSELF A WHORE WITH THAT LITERARY REFERENCE. UNLESS IT WAS YOUR INTENTION TO REFER TO YOURSELF AS A HARLOT, IN WHICH CASE, CONGRATULATIONS. YOU WIN THE PRIZE OF NOT PUTTING YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH LIKE A GODDAMN DISEASE.</span>
</p><p>Dave gives you a look of confusion. Shit, the only one here putting their fucking strut pod in their statement tunnel is you. </p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: dude are you sure</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i feel like you just made that up to flirt with me</span>
</p><p>You pause at that. Even in the dim light, you can't hide the bright red flush on your face. Kanaya and Rose give you a look and you deliberately avoid eye contact. You can tell they're scheming something, as they're both quick to jump back into the conversation.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Karkat is right, actually. Ophelia was quite the flighty broad. Only a nunnery could save that thirst trap from her slutty, slutty ways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Feel He Is At Least Deserving Of Points For Reading Hamlet</span>
</p><p>Oh thank god, you weren't expecting them to come to your aid this time. Dave doesn't comment on the Shakespearean analysis and instead raises his eyebrows in slight bewilderment, noticing that there is, <em>in fact</em>, more than one troll at this assembly. </p><p>What the fuck, does he have like tunnel vision or something? How did he not notice her when she is literally glowing three feet away from him? Oh right, the shades. Apparently, he superglued them to his face and is now too afraid to admit he can't take them off because this room is dim as hell and there's no possible way he could need them right now. You resist the urge to slam your face into your fronds. Rose confidently grabs the hand of her new sweetheart. Kanaya beams both physically and metaphorically.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: This is my date for the night. She makes for lovely company. I'd advise finding yourself a cute troll to keep you company, too, if you weren't too busy being the Knight of All The Time In The World. Too bad there just aren't enough trolls at this party.</span>
</p><p>You can't really tell but you think you see a hint of pink on Dave's cheeks. With the way your thinkpan's been acting though, you're chocking that one up to imagination.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: damn I guess karkat will have to do</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: youre right though there are like no trolls here what is that about</span>
</p><p>Is he...flirting with you? What? What?! Wasn't he supposed to be xenophobic or something? You discard the thought as a possibility. Kanaya glances at you, then looks at Dave.</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: Im Quite Sure Hed Love That</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: As For Why There Are Few Trolls In Attendance I Couldnt Say</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: It Is A Good Thing We Are Here To Change That</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: Dont You Think So Karkat</span>
</p><p>You scowl at Kanaya and she grins at you, feigning innocence. You're starting to realize she has, not surprisingly, already caught on to your feelings for Dave. Wow! What gave it away? Surely it wasn't your inability to shut your fucking trap! Maybe it had absolutely nothing to do with the very obvious candy red flush you're sporting around like a fucking target! Not even Terezi could have missed it and she's literally blind. Fuck it, you might as well just say it out loud and embarrass yourself even further at this point. </p><p>Unfortunately for you, Kanaya also has no shred of shame left and you just <em> know </em> she is going to tease you about your human crush in spite of her own poor taste. You can already tell how much she is enjoying herself, even with her graciously kept poker face. You glare at her. Try it, Kanaya. See what happens. </p><p>She ignores you in favor of talking to Dave. That fucking hypocrite, you cannot believe this.</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: You May Call Me Kanaya</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Am A Friend Of Karkats</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: wow i never would have guessed that the only troll girl here would happen to know the only troll guy here who could have seen it coming</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: color me surprised rainbow drinker or however the saying goes</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: also bold of you to assume i would ever consider reading hamlet</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe for ironic purposes but even then id probably just skim it like gross flavorless milk</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: only to act like a self righteous asshole for reading a book that was written in the old times by some dude in a funny collar</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean lets be honest here nobody actually read hamlet we all just sparknotesed it</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Maybe for those with the attention span of a single cheerio.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: no listen thats besides the point im tryna make here stay with me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im saying why write something that the reader has to fight to keep their attention for</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its overrated</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like there comes a point when you have to realize that what youre reading is actually the most boring shit on the planet and just do yourself a favor by quitting it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and before you say anything</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no i didnt read it in high school i was homeschooled half my life</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: if you could really call it that</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: A VALID CRITICISM, ACTUALLY. I'M IMPRESSED YOU'RE CAPABLE OF SAYING SOMETHING THAT ISN'T COMPLETELY BRAINLESS DRIBBLE.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: man im telling you</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: if you write a spinoff in honor of shakespeare and the most interesting thing you can come up with for your first chapter is the statistics of flipping a coin you might wanna reevaluate if you should be simping for this guy</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe reevaluate your life choices while youre at it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i did read all of r and g and enjoyed it tho so maybe im being unfair here</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Dave, that's all fair and understandable by your nature and upbringing, but if you didn't read Hamlet, why are you going around making references about it?</span>
</p><p>Dave shrugs and looks at you for some reason.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i don't know i probably overheard karkat say it in class or something and it sounded fun to say</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: guess thats why im not a literature major</span>
</p><p>You raise your eyebrows in surprise. Yeah, you vaguely remember saying that once in class but you don't recall Strider ever commenting. Does that mean he's been listening in on your conversations or was it just a coincidence? Rose and Kanaya look at each other and you see the gears turning in their heads. No, no! If they even so much as think about opening their chutes, you swear you will–!</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: You didn't tell me you two share classes together. Are you well acquainted?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: Karkat Is He The One Who–</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: –ASKS ME FOR PENCILS ALL THE TIME? YES, I'M RUNNING OUT OF PENCILS SO FAST I HAVE TO KEEP GOING TO YOUR HUMAN STATIONARY SUPPLY STORE TO BUY THEM.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ITS FUCKING AWKWARD. THE POOR GUY RUNNING THE STORE IS GETTING CONCERNED AT HOW FAST I BURN THROUGH THESE GODDAMN WRITING APPARATUSES TO THE POINT THAT HE PROBABLY THINKS I HAVE SOME WEIRD BULGE FIXATION FOR THEM.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING WITH THEM I SWEAR ITS LIKE YOU EAT THEM OR SOMETHING.</span>
</p><p>You thank your timing for coming up with a suitable enough subject change. You also shoot Kanaya a look that warns "be thankful for the consequences you shirked for not finishing that sentence." She deadpans at you, her fangs playfully poking over her lip. You are practically fuming.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i have no idea what youre talking about</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: obviously i am not that forgetful</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean who forgets pencils what is even with these accusations right now</span>
</p><p>You've spent enough time in class to know that Dave is a terrible liar and this time is no different. Just another attempt to downplay his mistakes as a part of his cool kid facade and also just another aspect of him that drives you crazy. Normally, you are impartial to calling him out for it, but you notice him fidgeting with his hands anxiously and you start to wonder if you had taken things too far with him just now. You're about to open your mouth to rectify the situation when Dave suddenly glares at Rose.</p><p>She's holding another drink, one you can only assume she has managed to grab without anyone noticing. Dave seems visibly perturbed by this and Rose sighs. You get the sense that whatever playful mood they had moments ago has just been brutally murdered by another trunkbeast in the room. Who keeps letting these assholes in here?</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Dave, I can tell you're nervous about me having alcohol, but honest, I am being responsible about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: wow okay</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: rose are you so sure you should be risking that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: define responsible</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I am not going to do that, and if you don't mind, I'd rather not make a big scene out of this. There's a time and place for these things, after all. I know you have every right not to trust my words, but I am asking you as your friend to drop it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: rose come on</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you know how serious this is</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hell its serious enough that you specifically asked for my help as an acting rate limiter</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i cant just let this slide</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: You can spare me the lecture, I'm aware of the repercussions and my actions. Please stop this, Dave, I am assuring you that I am fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: okay but listen</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i know im not really one to talk about sensible decisions but this seems like a bad idea if you even have to assure me youre fine in the first place</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its like busting into someones room when theyre trying to sleep</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: catchin the real zs in slumberland</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and you wake them up for the sole purpose of telling them there isnt a fire in the house and that they shouldnt worry</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so theyre left wondering what the fuck you woke them up for then</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bitches really cant get any shuteye these days can they</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its a travesty for them in the great recession of slumber</span>
</p><p>Rose huffs, her irritation now visible on her face.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: The real travesty is me thinking to bring the subject of alcohol up with you in the first place. I don't know why I thought I could trust you not to panic over this.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: Oh, but it seems I don't have a say in this. Please, do continue.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: All will be well as long as we perfunctorily place my history of alcoholism on a metaphorical table in front of the whole world for the sake of transparency.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: I do hope you can take my word for it someday when I say I haven't strayed from my own road of recovery.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">ROSE: And now, brushing that aside in a lackadaisical manner before this gets awkward, I think I'll be going.</span>
</p><p>Rose leaves without another word, but her bitterness has already turned the air chilly and uncomfortable. You should really pretend like none of that happened. It is, without question, not even remotely your place to comment. Or worry. And yet, here you are again getting invested in shit that doesn't concern you. The nosy part of you is a tool and is inherently incapable of minding your damn business. You repeat to yourself that you do not need to auspisticize for them and that they can handle this on their own. Frankly, you're ticked at yourself for playing fucking bingo with your quadrants and feeling ashen for Dave alongside the shitshow you've already conjured up in every other square. You may be helpless like a confused and lost wriggler, but you <em> are </em> capable of exercising a little restraint. </p><p>......</p><p>Oh, god dammit.</p><p>You don't know too much about the effects of alcohol on humans, but you just can't help thinking about Terezi and her own recovery from her horrendous Faygo addiction. You figure Rose really needs someone to talk to right now, and despite his best intentions, Dave is not the right person for the job. Neither are you, for that matter.</p><p>Fuck, you didn't want to resort to this, especially with Kanaya's very apparent flushed feelings toward Rose, but it seems like the right thing to do. You give Kanaya a desperate look and she follows your train of thought within moments.</p><p>
  <span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Will Be Back Karkat</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: TAKE YOUR TIME.</span>
</p><p>You mutter a grateful thank you as Kanaya takes off after her. It's only after she's completely out of sight that you realize you've just been left alone with Dave. He's got his poker face on, but he clearly doesn't want to be here anymore. You start to wonder if it's so wrong to go looking for John after all.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: SO IF YOU’RE NOT A LITERATURE MAJOR, WHAT ARE YOU GRADUATING IN?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: jesus alright</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just gonna pretend none of that came out of her mouth and this didnt happen then</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats fine</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The end of this chapter marks the beginning of my Rosemary centric fic Ups and Downs, which is part of the "Universe"-ity Series. Go check it out if you're interested!</p><p>(Chapter 4 is coming very soon!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Completely Pear-Shaped</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW// This chapter contains bullying and the f slur. Please be weary if these are triggering to you. //</p><p>Happy late 4/13!! This chapter is short but it's a doozy! I didn't know what to do for formatting for the side characters so I hope this was tolerable enough. Sorry for the delay in updates. Hopefully I'll have chapter 5 done by next month. The third part of this series is looking to start up around chapters 7-8. Like it's counterpart, I will post the first chapter for it and then update it once this fic is done. Thanks and enjoy!</p><p>POV Karkat</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS, ISN'T IT?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ......</span>
</p><p>Dave goes quiet for a moment before answering.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: it really isnt anybodys business to be frank</span>
</p><p>What the fuck are you supposed to say to that? You want to comfort him, but who are you to assume you're versed to deal with family drama. You sure as fuck didn't think you'd be in the throes of it at this godawful party. That aside, there's the implication of comforting him being a pale action and well...it's just not a good time to be thinking romance right now.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL, THERE YOU GO. CONGRATULATIONS. WE ARE ON THE SAME FUCKING PAGE THEN.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FRANKLY, WE'RE DOING EACH OTHER A FAVOR BY NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS, BECAUSE THIS IS EXCRUCIATING.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HEY, HERE'S AN IDEA!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: CHECK IT OUT, IT'S *LITERALLY* ANYTHING ELSE OTHER THAN THIS TOPIC! LET'S PAY ATTENTION TO IT.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yeah but you see i cant exactly just brush this off when you very obviously saw all of that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and not to mention your friend has gone and involved herself too</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you realize how important it is that this information doesnt get spread around campus right</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like its pretty evident i dont have a filter for my words but this is one of those times where this has to stay between us</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: locked up tighter than the kreditanstalt für wiederaufuck or whatever its called nobody is getting in that shit not even our own subconscious</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i cant have rose pissed at me more than she already is right now</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: man i shouldnt have said anything fuck</span>
</p><p>As uncomfortable as the situation is, it endears you that he cares that much about his twin. The enigmatic nature of family continues to escape you and you continue to not understand anything. You guess you should tell him that.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE, I KNOW I LITERALLY JUST SAID IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS AND NOW I'M GIVING MY TWO CENTS CAUSE I'M TRASH, BUT IT'S OBVIOUS THAT WHAT YOU SAID TO HER WAS MEANT TO HELP.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I REALLY DON'T THINK EITHER OF YOU ARE IN THE WRONG IN THIS SITUATION.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND YEAH, I GET THAT THAT'S RICH COMING FROM A TROLL, BUT IF THERE'S ONE THING I'VE SEEN CONSISTENTLY ON MY TIME ON EARTH, IT'S THAT IT TAKES A WHOLE FUCKING LOT TO SPLIT UP A FAMILY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: EVIDENTLY WAY MORE THAN IT'D TAKE FOR TROLLS AT LEAST, BUT THAT'S NOT SAYING MUCH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: TALK TO HER TOMORROW WHEN SHE'S CALMED DOWN AND I'M SURE YOU TWO CAN COME TO SOME AGREEMENT AND MAYBE EVEN GROW AS PEOPLE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND FUCK ME, IF I'M WRONG AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, I'VE GOT A FRIEND THAT'S EXPERIENCED SOMETHING SIMILAR AND I CAN ASK HER IF SHE'D BE WILLING TO TALK TO ROSE ABOUT IT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OR NOT, I KNOW YOU JUST SAID YOU DON'T WANT OTHERS GETTING INVOLVED.</span>
</p><p>Dave chews his lower lip, stewing on your suggestion, but doesn't reply. At this rate, you'll prostrate yourself before his feet if it means he'll change the subject; you don't think you can stand another second of how awkward it is. Finally, Dave seems to relax a bit.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yeah</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: okay</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thanks</span><br/>
<span class="dave">Dave: for all that</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: DON'T MENTION IT. I'M SERIOUS, DON'T.</span>
</p><p>He seems satisfied to let the subject go, and he perks back up to his usual cool kid persona. You can't tell if that's better or worse for your situation, but your acid tract does flips anyway. This stupid crush you swear. God, you've got it bad. </p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: im a double major by the way</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: since you asked</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: finished all my courses for paleontology a year ago and now im working on a film degree</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: man i thought film would be easier after stem but as it turns out it is harder than ass</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like this ass is completely encased in granite here youre not getting out of this major easy just cause you spend half your time watching movies</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dont google how little courses a film major requires either thats some pyramid scheme levels of entrapment if ive ever seen it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: have fun sitting in your nine hour course when you could be doing literally anything else</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i still go to class like a chump though cause lets be realistic im not paying literal thousands of dollars for tuition to just not show up</span>
</p><p>Well, fuck. So far your impression of him was already way off the mark. Turns out he's a fucking nerd? Not that you aren't too, it's just surprising to you.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH, OKAY. A DOUBLE MAJOR. SO WHAT, ARE YOU ACTIVELY TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL STUPID HERE? CAUSE BELIEVE ME I'VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH OF THAT FROM THE SNARKY BROADS HORSESHIT CONVENTION ALREADY.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: not intentionally unless youre into that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and im not inherently intelligent just cause im a double major</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just means i retain shit easily cause shits interesting to me so i dont have to waste my time studying</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the only reason im still in college is cause my bro convinced me to stay in it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like apparently im a magnum cum lad or something but i dont really keep track of that shit and to be honest the only reason i know is cause it sounds funny and rose is super jealous about it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the university wont stop sending me emails about how much it wants a taste of my sweet ass</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but like i said shit doesnt matter to me im content with my dj gig</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i dont want a stupid medal just cause my gpa says i deserve one</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but i dont know maybe its not so bad and ill finally have the excuse to say cum at people in a socially acceptable context</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh shit theyll probably even applaud me for it too the irony here is just too easy</span>
</p><p>You think you're about ready to walk backwards into the sun because you're apparently so separated from reality that you didn't realize Shades McDouche is graduating top of your class.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: CUM LAUDE. YOU'RE MAGNA CUM LAUDE. OF COURSE, YOU'RE MAGNA CUM LAUDE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL, THAT'S REALLY GREAT, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THANKS FOR REMINDING ME THAT I'M TALKING TO SOMEONE WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE AND WHO WILL PROBABLY GROW UP TO BE INFINITELY MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN ME ON EVERY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ACTUALLY, WHAT THE FUCK DO I MEAN *PROBABLY,* I'M A LITERATURE MAJOR OF COURSE THAT'S TRUE.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: oh dude that is so not true</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i am a jack of all nothings</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: a dave of guy</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i will graduate and then i will continue to do jack shit with my degrees</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: if im vibin with my current gig why should i have to just up and quit just cause i wanna look at dead shit or make crispy artifact riddled jpeg movies</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: whos to say you wont be way more famous than me writing erotic trollmance novels or something i guess well see</span>
</p><p>You smile in spite of yourself at his playful jab. </p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH, SHUT UP, JACKASS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I’M A FUCKING ROMANCE EXPERT.</span>
</p><p>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hey you didnt deny it</span>
</p><p>Dave grins back at you. He seems a lot more relaxed around you than in class. Coincidentally, you’re starting to relax a bit around him too. At the very least, you feel like you can let your guard down around him like with John. Rose might take a little more time but that’s mostly because you’re a little intimidated by her intelligence, in the same way you are intimidated by Kanaya. You hope things are going as well for them as they are for you.</p><p>It’s hard to imagine her jealous of Dave. In fact, it's hard to believe anything he’s saying about his career, but you can tell he’s being truthful about it. You don’t understand why he’d pass up a successful life as a movie director or paleontologist with grades like that, but you guess it'd be a waste to quit his job. Even with the offensive barrage of noise that's been assaulting your thinkpan all evening, with the way everyone else seems to enjoy his music, you can tell he makes a really good DJ. It’s probably time for him to return to his post, actually.</p><p>Unfortunate for you, you were really starting to enjoy talking to him. A whole fucking lot, in fact. You can’t believe you actually managed to enjoy yourself a little bit a this stupid rumpus party. Maybe you can stall him a bit? Not that you'd ever give away your intentions to do so.</p><p>You glance at his station as Gin N Juice fades out and Biggie's Party &amp; Bullshit begins playing. You blame Tavros’ and Gamzee's abysmal adorations in both human and troll slam poetry for being able to recognize the name. You think you’ll keep talking with him until the playlist is up. For…no reason in particular. </p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: HEY, DAVE. CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: dude just ask it you dont need my permission to ask a question</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP, I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE POLITE BEFORE YOU MADE IT A FEDERAL FUCKING ISSUE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SOME OF US HAVE ACTUAL TACT INSTEAD OF JUST CHARGING GRACELESSLY FORWARD LIKE A DEPRAVED BARBARIAN QUESTING FOR EVEN THE BAREST SCRAPS OF KNOWLEDGE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT FINE, I'LL JUST THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND AND PUT US BOTH OUT OF OUR MISERY TO ASK WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THE INNER MACHINATIONS OF YOUR THINKPAN.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: thats a weird way of asking to get to know me but sure</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: we can go full platos allegory of the cave i know how much you yearn to know the truth behind my lingering shadows</span>
</p><p>You smirk. Again, with the flirting. Is he even doing it intentionally? </p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHY DID YOU DRAW A DICK ON MY FROND STUMP THAT ONE TIME? DO YOU JUST DO THAT TO EVERY PERSON YOU MEET OR WAS IT SPECIFICALLY RESERVED FOR ME AS A PERSONAL FORM OF TORTURE FOR TRYING TO PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS?</span>
</p><p>Dave processes what you're asking briefly before he busts out laughing.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ahaha oh my god i forgot i did that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the look on your face was priceless i shouldve taken an ironic selfie with you to preserve the memory</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: some dudes in class told me to do it</span>
</p><p>You stare back at him, dumbfounded. That's actually...really shitty? You don't know why you deigned to assign any meaning to his actions other than to be a dick to an alien just like the rest of his fuckboy species, but here you are. Proven wrong by the universe once again. </p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCKING INCREDIBLE. SO HILARIOUS, DAVE. I AM ON THE PRECIPICE OF SPILLING GRATIFICATION FLUID OUT OF MY GANDER BULBS AS WE SPEAK.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: REALLY COMFORTING TO KNOW THAT YOU FIND A SADISTIC PLEASURE IN MAKING FUN OF ALIENS THAT ARE ALREADY STRUGGLING TO ADJUST TO AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT CULTURE'S SOCIAL SITUATION.</span>
</p><p>Dave stiffens and looks on in surprise, presumably confused by your sudden change in tone. </p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: oh what no not like that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: it was just a practical joke</span>
</p><p>Why is he surprised? Did he think he could just get away with making you feel like shit? You should have known he's been trying to mock you this whole time. What's worse, you actually fell for it.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH, HAHA! BLATANT XENOPHOBIA IS JUST HYSTERICAL ISN'T IT?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DRAW HUMAN GENITALIA ALL OVER THE ALIEN BECAUSE THEIR OWN DIFFERENCES IN ANATOMY OBVIOUSLY MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. REAL MATURE AND HILARIOUS.</span>
</p><p>His expression changes to one of genuine concern, and as pissed as you are, you can't help how heartbroken it makes you feel.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: karkat dude it wasnt like that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: okay i know this sounds dumb as fuck but i swear that day i was planning on asking if you wanted– OOF!</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: AHHH!!! WATCH IT!</span>
</p><p>Before you realize what has happened, a group of frat boys has tumbled into both of you, shoving you forward and spilling an entire red cup of beer in Dave's face. You're knocked to the floor, and as you move to get back up, you notice Dave has gone completely poker-faced. The crowd disperses slightly, but generally ignores the incident.</p><p>You notice the offending gaggle of dipshits trying to rope Dave into something as he regains his balance. It’s the same people that keep harassing you. Your carapace starts to prickle and you can feel your anger rising into your chagrin tunnel. </p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">DOUCHEBAG A: PARTY FOUL!</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">FUCKBOY B: oh shit dude you hit dave ahaha</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">DOUCHEBAG A: Oh fuck Dave! Bro!</span><br/>
<span class="pesterlog">DOUCHEBAG A: My bad I was aiming for someone else man! Hey sorry about your shirt! You can't have mine though that's gay and I'm not a faggot hahaha!</span>
</p><p>You watch in complete rage and bitterness at the realization that they were aiming for you instead.</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">MORON C: Dave come on we just opened a pack of coors for another round of cage</span>
</p><p>For what it's worth, Dave handles the situation surprisingly well.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: you know im not one to know latest rage in pop culture but im starting to think getting shitfaced is the new trend here</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ill pass thanks im technically still on the clock</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and i apparently gotta go raid my laundry for a shirt thats not drowning in shitty beer</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: theres no saving this one anymore shes gone doctor put the defibrillator down its futile</span>
</p><p>One of the shitheads (you outright refuse to keep track of their names) laughs at his poor attempt at humor, slapping a hand on Dave's back. Dave remains completely stoic. He doesn't even flinch.</p><p>Instead, he turns his gaze to you once you’ve climbed off the floor (you don't even want to dare to ask why your fronds are sticky). You’re about to comment, when Dave takes his shades off, wiping them dry with whatever part of his shirt that wasn't doused in fermented soporifics. You can't resist your curiosity and watch his eyes to catch a glimpse.</p><p>Oh shit.</p><p>They're <em>red</em>. Just like yours.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: WAIT, DON'T TELL ME–</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ive got albinism yeah real freak of nature here wow great</span>
</p><p>Dave cuts in before you can finish. Fuck, you didn't mean to stare. Or say that out loud for that matter. So the shades must be for light sensitivity? You feel like kind of an asshole for giving him shit for it, and your anger starts to settle. That is, until the barrel of idiots behind Dave spots you.</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">FUCKBOY B: ha hey look it's the mutant you didn’t miss after all</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">DOUCHEBAG A: Fuuuuck yeah 10 points dude! Where’s my prize?</span>
</p><p>Douchebag A (that's the name you've decided on) high fives the idiot next to him and turns to address you. You clench your fists and bare your teeth at him. Your blood is pulsing. You are not backing down from this. You're sick of putting up with their harassment.</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">DOUCHEBAG A: Hey what the fuck are you looking at freak? Look you made me spill booze all over the DJ aren't you going to apologize to him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">MORON C: Yeah you should apologize that wasnt cool hiding behind him like that</span>
</p><p>You stay silent, levelling your eyes at them. By now the ache in your thinkpan has turned into a full-blown migraine.</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">FUCKBOY B: wow he won't even apologize no wonder ET came here alternia raised a bunch of cowards</span>
</p><p>Dave frowns, as if finally realizing what's happening. He glances at you in pity. Fuck that, you don't need his sympathy. For all you know he's in on this game too. </p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: what are you talking about karkats cool–</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: –OH DON'T EVEN PRETEND LIKE YOU CARE, STRIDER. I'LL BET YOU FUCKING PLANNED ALL THIS, DIDN'T YOU?</span>
</p><p>Dave flinches, staring back at you. His eyebrows furrow in bewilderment. </p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i what</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude what no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im trying to defend you</span>
</p><p>You’re bristling. You don't care what the truth is, you don't even want to hear it at this point. You direct your attention on the pack of idiots in front of you. A crowd starts to gather from your shouting, and Dave's playlist fades into a new song.</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">DOUCHEBAG A: Woah someone’s mad! I bet he-</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: -SHUT UP, I'M TALKING! I DON'T GIVE A SINGLE LUMP-SUCKING SHIT ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WERE GOING TO SAY TO ME JUST NOW.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS.</span>
</p><p>You grit your teeth as you lose a handle on your volume.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OKAY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU WANNA TALK COWARDS?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: TRY LOOKING IN THE **FUCKING** MIRROR!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NONE OF YOU **PAN-BLISTERING BULGE-TAINTED DICKHEADS** WOULD HAVE LASTED A *DAY* ON ALTERNIA!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU WANT TO ACT LIKE MY PLANET WAS A SHITHOLE EUGENICS-BASED DICTATORSHIP??</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL, FINE!! BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?? YOU'RE FUCKING *RIGHT!!*</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: LIVING THERE WAS A NIGHTMARE!!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU TRY SURVIVING ON A PLANET WHERE YOU ARE CULLED FOR DARING TO EXIST. FOR HAVING THE BRAVERY TO TO LIVE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOW FUCKING *DARE* YOU ACCUSE *ANY* ALTERNIAN OF BEING A COWARD WHEN YOU HYPOCRITICAL, PRIVILEGED IDIOTS HAVE ONLY EVER HAD A PARADISE PLANET SPOONFED TO YOU.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU WANT AN APOLOGY?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HERE'S ONE FOR YOU!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: GO FUCK YOURSELVES!!</span>
</p><p>Before anyone can reply to your tantrum, you shove your middle fingers in the air and storm past the crowds of people gathered around. You make a beeline for the front door, only stopping briefly to put your arms down and glance back at Dave.</p><p>The stoic look he gives you only makes you feel worse as you run off, intending to get as far away from John's hive as possible. The music inside the house fades into silence.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Lay Down in the Sand and Become One with the Dirt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! This chapter marks our first perspective switch. This is the chapter that gave me the idea to write this fic in the first place. There will be many more to follow though! Chapter 6 will likely be published by next month, but hopefully sooner if I can manage.</p><p>Please enjoy!</p><p>POV Dave</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Your name is Dave Strider and the party's over. </p><p>Done here, pack it up. That's enough drama for one night and you sure as hell don't feel up to DJing after all of it. There’s only one thing on your mind right now and that’s going after Karkat, houseguests be damned.</p><p>Your playlist of fresh jams has run out of bangers and the room has gone quiet and uncomfortably awkward. You notice the group of the offending xenophobes that started this mess sticking around to laugh at the entire encounter. Shit is pissing you off more than you'd care to admit.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: seriously what is your damage</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that was so uncalled for</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">DOUCHEBAG A: Hey man I'm just telling it like it is! I mean you gotta admit that was funny!</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">FUCKBOY B: dude you see the way he was crying when he left his tears were fucking red what a freak</span><br/>
<span class="pesterlog">FUCKBOY B: he had it coming he really thought he was invited to this party</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">MORON C: Man forget about that guy who cares about him you should come hang with us</span>
</p><p>You furrow your eyebrows and steel your jaw.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: absolutely the hell not am i doing that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: partys over go home</span>
</p><p>You turn away from the group of dudebros (whom you are starting to realize are actually just a group of intolerant morons) and look around at the crowd that's gathered. Wow, Karkat really caused a scene. You guess your involvement didn't exactly help, though. </p><p>You flinch under the scrutinizing eyes of the crowd and put on your best blank face. Whoops, almost let your emotions show there, can't have that. You know how it is.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yall better not make me repeat myself i said go home</span>
</p><p>You raise your voice a little bit louder than normal. Okay, so maybe you're letting your frustration show just a little bit. You figure that's justified enough. At least the crowd catches on to what you're putting down and starts to disperse. John, in his dopiness, has only just caught on to the commotion and comes running over to you. As if on cue, the asshole hate brigade absconds. </p><p>Cowards, you think to yourself. Or say out loud? Doesn't matter either way.</p><p>
  <span class="john">JOHN: dave, i heard karkat shouting! what’s going on?</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: the playlist ran out too. are you heading back to your station?</span>
</p><p>John takes a look at your still very soaked in beer shirt and grimaces.</p><p>
  <span class="john">JOHN: woah, what happened there?</span>
</p><p>It was the last clean shirt you had. You wish you hadn't forgotten to put your clothes in the dryer yesterday. Now you just look like some filthy chump cut fresh from the asshole factory. You would've conveyed this to John to save face, but you don't have it in you to care anymore. Just gotta be cool about it and move on.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: sorry bro change of plans</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="john">JOHN: what does that mean? how come?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: something important came up that i gotta take care of</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: those beatsll be orphaned for too long for me to be considered working</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so no more jams</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: go get your handkerchiefs dry cleaned the funerals in a week</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="john">JOHN: well okay, whatever you say, dave. i'll go turn the lights on and let everyone know.</span>
</p><p>Leave it to John to be the hero. You're actually really relieved he didn't fight you on this. The dude is too stubborn for his own good.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: thanks man be back later</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="john">JOHN: wait you're leaving?</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: dave! where are you going, you live here!</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i got shit to do</span>
</p><p>You shout out to John as you exit the front door. The outside is just as lively as indoors, even without your impeccable DJing adding to the atmosphere. And by lively, you mean nobody knows how to drive and there are thirteen people trying to leave at the same time. It's honestly kinda hilarious. From behind the house, you hear the faint sound of a car alarm going off. Yeah, that sounds about right.</p><p>You stop being amused by the traffic relatively quickly, and break out into a jog down the street. You think you saw Karkat head this way. You wonder if he drove here. If that's the case then he probably already left by now. Maybe desperately searching for this guy like he's some lost dog with a bounty is a lost cause. Pathetic even. Thing is, you already lost all your dignity this evening when you realized you were acquainted with a group of xenophobes, so it's worth a shot to you.</p><p>
  <em>Karkat was really mad...</em>
</p><p>Your stomach churns. You didn't even drink, what the fuck is that about?</p><p>
  <em>He was crying...Karkat was crying when he left.</em>
</p><p>Are you...<em>actually</em> feeling guilty about this? How were you supposed to know those guys were xenophobic? It's not like you're the one who made him cry. None of this was your fault.</p><p>You think back to the incident and how they treated him back there. You didn't realize xenophobia was still so bad for trolls on Earth. It's been like two decades, shouldn't Earth be past this by now? A pang of sympathy, or frustration, or something wells up in your chest. </p><p>
  <em>Walk it off, little man. Striders don't show emotion.</em>
</p><p>You bite your lip as you run around the neighborhood. You had better find Karkat fast so you can put this all behind you.</p><p>You reach the end of the neighborhood and find an empty park where the old Batterwitch factory used to be. You grimace. Ew, corporations.</p><p>It must be your lucky day though, because scanning the area, you spot someone laying face down in the park sandbox at two fucking thirty in the morning. You feel the corners of your mouth turn up slightly. There's pretty much no way that's not Karkat, only he would be that dramatic.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: bro why face down is it for the cinematic effect or do you just like the taste of sand</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: youre part crab right maybe its an evolutionary thing</span>
</p><p>Karkat tenses when he hears you and looks up from the ground. His face is tearstained red and he's scowling at you. Yeah, you guess you kinda deserve that.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ALSO, GO AWAY.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yeah thats not gonna happen sorry</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: though now that im here i actually have no idea what to say</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: probably shouldve thought this one through</span>
</p><p>He raises an eyebrow at you and sits up from his sandbox of solitude.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: GO THINK IT THROUGH SOMEWHERE ELSE THEN.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i just wanna talk thats all</span>
</p><p>Karkat's frown deepens.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH, IS THAT ALL, STRIDER? YOU WANNA ACT LIKE YOU'RE FREE OF GUILT AND INVOLVEMENT IN ALL THIS? PRETEND LIKE WE'RE BROS ALL OF A SUDDEN?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IN THAT CASE, WHY DON'T I INVITE YOU OVER TO MY HIVE FOR DINNER WITH MY LUSUS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT, WHY DON'T WE MUTUALLY FONDLE EACH OTHER'S BULGES AND CRYWANK ABOUT OUR FEELINGS SINCE WE'RE SO CLOSE, YOU MISERABLE COLD SORE ON THE UNIVERSE'S SWEATY TAINT.</span>
</p><p>He pauses, hellbent on making his point very clear.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. GOT THAT?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SO IF YOU'RE HERE TO APOLOGIZE, MAKE IT QUICK.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OTHERWISE, JUST GO.</span>
</p><p>Okay, you guess you had all that coming too. It's fine he probably needed to get it out of his system. You'll admit it stings a bit to hear, but you're a Strider and persistence is your middle name. So is danger. And Elizabeth for some reason. Irony, probably.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: look dude</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i came here to let you know im not xenophobic and that i have no problem with aliens or trolls</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i honestly dont why those guys at the party did what they did but i had nothing to do with it okay</span>
</p><p>There, that should clear up your reputation. Smooth operator, here. Karkat's expression is deadpan. Maybe he's at a loss for words at your cool demeanor?</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: IS THAT ALL?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: uh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yes</span>
</p><p>Is that a trick question? Man you don't even know what to think anymore. You're tired and you smell like shitty beer and your shirt is sticky and you feel like the jerkiest piece of garbage to have ever graced a landfill. Talking to Karkat is so much easier when you don't have to guess what he's feeling.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I CAN TELL YOU DON'T KNOW WHY I'M STILL MAD AT YOU, GIVEN YOU APPARENTLY HAD *NOTHING* TO DO WITH THE INCIDENT AND THAT IT WAS ALL PURELY COINCIDENTAL.</span>
</p><p>Damn, he can see right through you, can't he? Shit is making you squirm a little. </p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: ALLOW ME TO RECTIFY THE SITUATION.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU WITNESSED ME LEAVE JOHN'S SWEATY RUMPUS HIVE IN AN ATTEMPT TO GAIN SOME PRIVACY FROM A PUBLIC AFFAIR IN WHICH I WAS HUMILIATED AND ABUSED BY A GROUP OF XENOPHOBES THAT HAVE BEEN GIVING ME HELL FOR OVER A QUARTER OF A SWEEP.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND YOUR FIRST INSTINCT IS TO COME FIND ME, NOT TO APOLOGIZE OR SEE HOW I'M FEELING, BUT TO SAVE FACE?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: LOOK ME IN MY VISION SPHERES AND TELL ME THAT ISN'T AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT SHITTY.</span>
</p><p>Wow. When he puts it like that, yeah you guess that is kind of terrible.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: okay good point that is really shitty of me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: jesus im sorry</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: GOOD, I'M GLAD YOU AGREE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NOW IF YOU'RE DONE, PLEASE LEAVE ME TO LICK MY WOUNDS IN PEACE.</span>
</p><p>It's dawning on you just how much of an asshole you've been to him. He must've been reluctant to talk to you in class cause you hung out with people that were actively harassing him. Shit you didn't even know it either, they just came to you one day and asked you about your webcomic. You liked the attention they gave you, you guess, it never dawned on you to do a background check on them. And somehow Karkat was kind enough to give you a chance anyway? No wonder he's mad, you betrayed his trust.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: no seriously</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: youre right ive been acting like a grade a dick and i didnt realize it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: itd be uncool of me not to recognize that i wasnt taking your feelings into account</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im sorry</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i want to be better and make things right</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: rest assured i wont be talking to attendees of club racist anymore</span>
</p><p>Karkat's shoulders loosen, if only a little bit, and he looks down at the sandbox he's sitting in. He sighs. You hadn't realized you were holding your breath until you exhaled with him. Damn, what's this alien doing to you?</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OKAY.</span>
</p><p>He's calming down you think. Jesus, what's this guy's blood pressure, it must be terrible.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: ALRIGHT, FINE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: APOLOGY ACCEPTED.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND SINCE I AM SUCH A DIGNIFIED AND BENEVOLENT TROLL, I CAN PROBABLY FIND IT IN MY PUSHER TO FORGIVE YOU FOR EVERYTHING.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SO DON'T STRESS ANYMORE, WE'RE EVEN NOW.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: JUST DON'T MAKE ME REGRET IT.</span>
</p><p>He places a hand on his face and shakes his head as if he's doubting his own decision.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: GEEZ, YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE SO CUTE.</span>
</p><p>You didn't catch that last part, you were kinda too relieved to have his forgiveness to pay attention to anything else he's been saying (god, you need people to like you so much it's not even funny).</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: sorry bro i zoned what was that last part</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: NOTHING THAT CONCERNS YOU. JUST TALKING TO MYSELF.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: dude same</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: also</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thanks</span>
</p><p>Karkat doesn't answer. Instead he rolls onto his back and spreads his arms out, staring up at the sky. You sit down in the sand next to him, your legs applesauce crossed. Karkat grabs a handful of sand and casually dumps it on your leg. Some of the sand sticks to your beer shirt. As if that thing could get any dirtier.</p><p>You sit in silence with him, waiting for him to say something. He doesn't. Holy shit this is awkward and it's making you uncomfortable. You decide to fill the silence with the soothing sound of your own voice, even if the conversation ball is technically in his court. Good thing you are the master of balls and you've just got so many of them to share.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: so i actually have something ive been wanting to ask you</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: if you dont mind me segueing into a new topic</span>
</p><p>You mime the movement of turning a record on your turntables. Hell yeah, so cool.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: AS LONG AS YOU PROMISE TO GET TO THE POINT THIS TIME.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SERIOUSLY, DAVE, I'M TOO TIRED TO FILTER THROUGH THE BULLSHIT FOUNTAIN RIGHT NOW, IT'S BEEN A LONG NIGHT.</span>
</p><p>Huh, you guess he only calls you Strider when he's mad at you. You like that he's easy to read, he makes you feel at ease. </p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i hear that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dont worry ill tell the bullshit fairy to beat it we dont want her business she can sell her wares elsewhere</span>
</p><p>Karkat gives you a look. Shit, your bad.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: anyway</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so earlier i was trying to tell you this but i guess the timing hasnt been right since the stars werent aligned or some astrology bullshit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but i wanted to ask you if you wanted to be friends or bros or whatever</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: remember how i keep asking you for pencils in class</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah those were lame and half assed attempts at extending an olive branch wherein i chickened out like a rooster at the slaughterhouse at the last minute</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i dont know if youve noticed but i dont really do feelings</span>
</p><p>Right now, there is something making your heart fucking palpitate, and you have no idea what it could possibly be cause Striders don't get nervous. They just don't okay? They're cool as fucking cucumbers and that's really all there is to say about that.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i guess it translated into me not knowing how to ask you though cause even on the rare occasions that i did manage to talk about anything other than my</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what was it that you said</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bulge fixation on pencils lmao</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i ended up saying</span>
</p><p>You told him the first thing that popped in your head. Your personal favorite was the one about rats being spelled backwards. Totally nailed that one.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: actually i have no idea what i ended up saying and we dont need to dwell on it</span>
</p><p>Karkat gives you a pensive look and your cheeks feel uncomfortably warm. What for? You're just asking to be friends here, it's not like this is a confession for some other feelings you're totally not even having. You're so not embarrassed right now imagine how uncool that'd be.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL, HOW ABOUT YOU TRY ASKING ME RIGHT NOW AND I'LL GIVE YOU A STRAIGHT ANSWER.</span>
</p><p>Straight is great. Straight is what you are. Just a real straightforward no nonsense dude that's not getting flustered over friendship.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: okay</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: uh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: do you wanna be bros</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH, DAVE. LET'S BE BROS.</span>
</p><p>Damn, he didn't even hesitate. You have to admit that was actually kind of...smooth? Or at least it would be if Karkat weren't blushing like a virgin. Man his blood color is super bright red, it's trippy. Kinda rad though if you're being honest with yourself.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: dude youre your face is so red dont make it weird</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: I'M NOT BEING WEIRD, YOU IGNORAMUS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I JUST... DON'T REALLY HAVE THAT MANY FRIENDS ON EARTH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I'M A LITTLE EXCITED ABOUT BEING FRIENDS WITH YOU, OKAY?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: okay now youre definitely trying to make it weird</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i take back everything i said karkat is a weirdo goodbye forever its been real</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP, IDIOT.</span>
</p><p>Karkat throws more sand at you and you outright giggle. Yup, that is totally a noise that just came out of your mouth. At least he's smiling now.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: ALRIGHT, ARE YOU DONE SPEWING VERBAL DIARRHEA LIKE YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE IS CONNECTED TO A GAPER WASTE TANK?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: CAUSE I'D REALLY LIKE TO GO HOME NOW.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MY LUSUS IS PROBABLY WONDERING WHERE I AM AND I HAVE TO FEED HIM IN THE MORNING.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT ENCOUNTER.</span>
</p><p>Wait, lusii are like animal parents right? How does that work, you wonder?</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: oh dude now that were bros you have got to tell me all about troll culture</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i can get my info straight from the crabs mouth</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: TROLLS ARE ONLY SLIGHTLY MORE RELATED TO CRUSTACEANS THAN HUMANS ARE, BULGEWEED.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHOULDN'T YOU KNOW THIS FROM, I DON'T KNOW, JUST A SHOT IN THE DARK HERE, THE MANDATORY CLASSES WE HAVE TO TAKE TO GRADUATE?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: lol i havent actually finished my alternian ges yet</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: taking them this semester</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. I SHOULD'VE KNOWN YOU ONLY BEFRIENDED ME TO HELP YOU PASS ALTERNIAN HISTORY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND NAIVE PAST ME FELL FOR IT. THE ABSOLUTE BETRAYAL. I DIAGNOSE YOU WITH DEATH.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: baby its not what it looks like i swear i can explain</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH YEAH? WELL, GUESS WHAT, FUCKER? YOUR PLAN WAS DOOMED TO FAIL BEFORE IT EVEN BEGAN. IM STUPID AS SHIT!</span>
</p><p>There's a long pause, until one of you snorts (you're not really sure who cracked first to be honest) and suddenly you and Karkat are giggling so hard you fall backwards into the sand with him. You don't even care how ridiculous of a situation you're in right now, laying in a sandbox at 3AM covered in shitty beer and dirt. Tears dot your eyes and you both laugh until your sides hurt.</p><p>The two of you take some time to calm down in a comfortable silence before Karkat sighs and suggests you both head home again. Yeah, you imagine a bed is a lot more comfortable than a sandbox. Or what's it called, a recuperacon? It's got like, slime right? What does that feel like?</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: alright im calling it a night</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: I AM SO FUCKING TIRED.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: thank god i dont have class or any plans tomorrow</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ill probably text rose at some degenerate hour asking if she wants to get hangover lunch when i wake up though</span>
</p><p>Karkat snorts at your joke as you help him up from the sandbox, but brushes off the part where you accidentally brought up your sister's alcoholism again. What a bro.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: you can come if you want</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: I GOT CLASS, BUT MAYBE I'LL STOP BY AFTER?</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: cool ill try to stick around for you then</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: COOL.</span>
</p><p>There's an awkward pause as he brushes the sand off of himself. You don't even bother, that shit is sticking to you like flypaper. Time to wallow in your filth like a useless piece of shit.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: MY CAR'S PARKED BEHIND JOHN'S HIVE SO IT'S NOT THAT FAR.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: cool ill walk with you then</span>
</p><p>He leads you down a street on the sidewalk, and you notice he kind of instinctively curls in on himself and stares at the ground while walking through the private neighborhood. You start to wonder if he had to do the same back on Alternia. It'd probably be against the bro code to bring it up, but there's also probably no harm in some reassurance.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: dude chill youre safe</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i got mad sword skills anyway</span>
</p><p>You decide to leave out the part about how the sound of sword-hitting-sword is one of your triggers. Karkat glances at you and opens his mouth to say something, then promptly closes it. He mutters something under his breath.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH. SORRY.</span>
</p><p>He smiles at you and you feel a surge of pride. The kind of pride you feel for helping a bro relax in a new environment and absolutely nothing else. You can see John's house in the distance. The streets are empty save for one car that has seen WAY better days.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: WE SHOULD BE GETTING CLOSE. IT WAS SHITTY PARALLEL PARKING BUT I REMEMBER IT WAS–OH MY GOD!!</span>
</p><p>His car is trashed. Like, completely trashed. There's no way he's going home in that thing.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OF COURSE. OF *FUCKING* COURSE, EVERYTIME I EXPERIENCE EVEN A *SHRED* OF HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE, THE UNIVERSE HAS TO TAKE A STEAMING FAT DUMP ON IT TO REMIND ME HOW MUCH IT DESPISES MY VERY EXISTENCE!!</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: jesus christ they even took the hubcaps now thats just dedication</span>
</p><p>You put a hand to your mouth and try to mask your laughter at the absurdity of it all. Shit like this is just asinine at this point, <em>of course</em> his car got totaled.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: DON'T YOU FUCKING LAUGH AT MY SUFFERING, DAVE. IT'S NOT FUNNY.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: its a little funny</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: a reasonable amount of funny</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wait hang on theres a note on whats left of the windshield</span>
</p><p>It's a note from John.</p><p>
  <em> <span class="john">dear karkat</span> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <span class="john">sorry about your car!!! i'll call a tow service and go report the incident in the morning. i hope you got home safe and are uninjured!</span> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <span class="john">~ghostyTrickster</span> </em><br/>
<em> <span class="john">(john)</span> </em>
</p><p>Man, you love John, he's so nice.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: REMIND ME TO THANK HIM ASSUMING I FUCKING MAKE IT HOME TONIGHT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK IT, I'LL JUST CALL AN UBER.</span>
</p><p>Maybe it's spur of the moment but suddenly you don't want him to leave. You actually really like this dude's company and it kind of feels like you've known him for a while now.</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: wait</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bro forget that you can just stay the night im sure john wont mind</span>
</p><p>It came out of your mouth before you could even process what the hell you were saying. Good thing for you that John really <em>wouldn't</em> mind. Had it been Bro...you don't wanna think about that actually.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: WAIT, SERIOUSLY?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I MEAN, THANKS, BUT I DON'T WANT TO INTRUDE ON YOU GUYS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ALSO YOU SHOULD MAYBE ASK JOHN BEFORE YOU OFFER.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: lol yeah intruding on all the sloppy makeouts were totally not even having no matter how hard i try to get him to love me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: nah dont worry youre good dude</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: come on itll be fine</span>
</p><p>You're a little embarrassed by the words coming out of your mouth right now, but being an expert in eating your own foot, you power forward anyway and grab his hand. Karkat flushes at the contact.</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH. UH, OKAY THEN.</span>
</p><p>He stammers, and follows you with his hand in yours. Ha ha, this is pretty gay, isn't it?</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Listened to this on repeat while writing this chapter (for anybody that's interested):</p><p>https://youtu.be/duPMC7IEcFE</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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